Hey Joshi,
This letter will probably be shorter than the usual ones, but I just really wanna reply already so whatnot hehe. (just spent a good few minutes staring at the last line cus idk what to say haha) Okay.
I wish I could give you my May or there's a way to buy you guys more time :/ Time is a bitch. Biggest bitch of all times. If it was a problem or people was the problem, there's at least something you could blame onto to make yourself feel at least the slightest bit better, or there will be imaginary scenes where you picture how things would have work out if you took back a specific line or some pretty special moments didn't go down the way it did. But no, haha, the clock ticks, and it hurts. Timing had always been my problem since 7 years ago. I hope it stopped now or that 'phrase' is over, I don't know if it has, I just hope it does. Apart from all the cons, the pros is that you guys know you like each other so so much before it's time for the real farewell. Yes it does harm, hurting you more and more and leaving you more memorable moments that will only come back and cut into you more deeply in the future, but you'll be glad this happened. The times you guys spent was real and it was spontaneous, fun, and most of all, you guys were happy.
It's hard. It really is. And truth be told no one will know exactly how it feels/felt/is going to be like for you to feel those emotions. As much as I get it I wouldn't know your pain. But you'll have my word to access all the whatever cracks or bones or meat or shoulder to cry on or just lean on and go daydreaming whenever you need :) Even just the cyber ones, you know I'll be here☺
If you go on Tumblr and type in #dangerous, you'll find a picture of Scarlett Johansson with words that marks "A bored woman is a dangerous thing". Either I'm too good at cyber stalking or this dude have zero sense in online privacy/security, or maybe even the combination of both ends, either way, what I find by random clicking scares me, it scares me how much information I got out of it just by clicking (Yes I emphasis clicking, cus usually I would have to at least type some names to get what I want). It's scary. And I don't wanna do that. I wanna know him, I wanna know more about him, but I don't want to get all that by online stalking tho nothing's illegal or did I ever did anything out of my reach to read what I read. I wanna know him irl, I wanna get to know him by talking to him and interacting with him, and not through some crazy bitch tunnel. Does that means I like him? Maybe. If yes then perhaps I have more to feel anxious about than I intended to care/to admit. And geez, I haven't even met this person.
Don't worry haha, tell me about falling and I can tell you stories about falling from satellite positions to heart of the Earth, that's how much I know about falling. The most important lesson I learnt from my dad is not to expect too much cus I will always end up in disappointment esp when it comes to men (sorry I'm getting so dark in here lol). But yea you have nothing to worry about me expecting too much. Esp when ET is coming to the same school and I have this class schedule thing I gotta figure out if I wanna change it and the anxiety of not getting to live in the dorm room I wanted, I've prepared myself to dealt with the possible unpleasant outcome for the prior mentioned issues. And don't worry, there are tons of less hot pictures of PA that I didn't show you hahaha, I'm not only infatuated by his pretty face.
But then, in many other ways, I'm still fascinated/attracted by him whatever you wanna call it lol. Gosh it's embarrassing *monkeycoverseyes*. It would be great if someone can explain to me why am I feeling what I feel and felt, (exhibit: 128 messages to bomb you when I speak to him). Okay this is not okay you know what, there are prettier people out there and I've met some, and no, it didn't feel that way this is getting too weird. (Or not)
Oh yea WI, now the only reason I think about him was cus when I'm in conversation with people about certain matters or friends that know about my past brought it up lol. Yea you're right it's good, tho I don't like the idea of how it's a 'use of PA' or anything. The combination of the closure I needed and got after 4 years, and this new toxic character in the story does speed up my healing process of the giant wound. And I think as for now all there's left is a scar. And as far as I'm concerned, that old thick scarred wound won't get infected anytime soon, or at least not when I'm still living in the current city.
CNB is creepy and MC is childish. Not really worth mentioning I don't wanna spend more time on this space of us to type out all my eye-rolling-ness to them cus it's total bullshit and it's crappy. The TRICKS they pulled out was grade school level (gosh I sound so arrogant here, but games was a favorite past time of mine when Gossip Girl's still playing lol gosh I sound so old here). So if that two little bitches wanna play games and be creepy against this crazy stalker they better pull out their big guns (pun not intended but well it applies to CNB, who, btw don't deserve to have a code name lol), and get ready for the end game. Gyp. This is just not how games should be played, CNB hahaha. What if you already messed up with your potential hoe when school's still three months away, then you've lost a hole to stick your dick in. Idiot. Should have started it later so by the time that stupid chick figure out your game, you had always served her the meal.
I was scrolling through my camera roll earlier today and surprisingly there are tons of quote pics that evolves around the theme of 'not changing who you are'. I hope I can stay true to myself on the road of college, and esp now, where I can already easily sense my thoughts being challenged by myself multiple times a day. Atm I'm debating whether or not to ask if that foodie girl had got herself another foodie roommate and whether or not she would like me to fill in the spot. Idk. Maybe she's got one already, she's fun and popular, and the more time I spend debating this the lesser the chances are for her not to have one. I don't know tho...you know us wallflowers (yes) isn't use to situations where you just go up and ask for something that has no relationship to do with you.
He.
You know it,
Soya
Can't really escape from typing some PSs so here's one
PS. I know I'm over you when I don't wanna finish Supernatural anymore tho I'm only one season away from ending.
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