Soya dearie,
I just finished all my essays due this week!
Yippieeee! So I thought to relax my brain, I’ll reply to your letter and just
let my feelings flow. Just listened to Rather Be J Awww
baby, I miss you so! *As long as I am with you, there’s no place I’d
rather be*
And heck yeah, the spectacular now baby! You
are on your way to your college adventure. I can feel your excitement half a
globe away! I am so excited for you, you can finally be who you want to
be and study what you want to study. Dream school, woohoo! I am looking
forward to listening to all your art school stories and dramas, and looking
forward to be just 5 hours away from you by bus instead of 16 hours away from
you by plane, and looking forward to the 4 days we have to spend with each
other in Chicago this Summer! Can’t wait to plan our trip together!
You will soon be so rad and cool and artsy (or you already are), and I will be
the boring and depressed book nerd, writing in the corner of coffee houses and
you will be out there exploring the world and the magnificent design of things.
Oh and I can definitely feel the FUN you surfacing
these days! You are getting there! I can feel the positivity
radiating from you, babe. Fuck guys, fuck your want list, fuck the
world! Just do what you want, be happy and free and enjoy your life
before your crazy uni drama begins! Trust me, you will be juggling so
much in your hands you’d wish you either have more hands and be like an ugly
monster or you’d wish you die.
And yes, it is alright to not like NCY anymore if
you don’t feel like it! It has been 5 years, it has been way too long!
You are way cooler and radder than him, and you will find your perfect guy that
loves you the way you deserve; hopefully more than I love you! As for PA,
just have fun stalking and appreciating (and ff-ing) the magnificent J But a
word of warning though, don’t fall too fast like I do every time, I should have
learnt my lesson, but I guess it is in my blood to fall fast and crazy and then
get hurt. Falling too fast hurts and breaks and kills you. And you
haven’t really known him yet, so it’s even more poisonous to fall for the idea
of him. Yea, you know all of it already, we’ve had this discussion.
This is getting really long, but it’s fine, I guess you
won’t mind it.
So, this new guy, VKG, asked me on a date this
Saturday and I said yes, and we are going to get dinner and watch a play
together. I mean, he is a really nice guy and I can feel that he really
wants to hang out with me and spend time with me. During the party last
Saturday, he keeps looking at me and gets defensive when some guy bumped into
me and another guy accidentally spilled beer on my legs. He is a senior,
and he is graduating this semester though. L What’s
with all the guys in my life, they are all leaving so soon. Anyway, he
told me he wished he was a sophomore again so he can actually spend more time
with me. He said going long distance will be unfair to me, but he also
said we should hang out and see where things go. He is so good to me, and
doesn’t force me into doing anything. Yes, I went back to his house with
him after the party last Saturday, and we did do stuff, but I didn’t let him
enter me, and I feel bad for not letting him. But he was so gentlemanly,
and he doesn’t push me. Every time I said stop, or no, or even just shift
my head back a little, he paused and pulled back and asked me if I want him to
back off.
VKG also understands my situation with HHG, and he
respects me for being honest with him about it. Gosh, VKG is so so nice I
should just jump into him and escape from my stupid senseless infatuation with
that jerk HHG. I still need time to get over HHG though, I still want so
bad to get close to him when I see him. And every time I hang out with
VKG, I feel guilty. Especially last Saturday when I spent the night at
VKG’s, I felt extremely bad afterwards. Maybe that’s because HHG is my
first, and he taught me everything, and I felt like I was using all the lovely
things he taught me on VKG, his drinking buddy whom I kissed and disrespected
him for. And I broke the promise I made with HHG, to not make out with
VKG again. But he doesn’t care about me, does he? So why should I
care? He has been treating be bad right from the start, right? I
can’t let him hinder my way to happiness. Though, every time I think
about it, I feel so bad for breaking my promise. And HHG will definitely
get so mad if he knows I hang out with VKG now and I spent the night with him
on Saturday. He wouldn’t believe me when I tell him VKG and I didn’t
fuck, no one would believe us, but that’s the truth.
To be really honest though, I think VKG and I match
each other better, and we have similar interests and I feel so comfortable
around him, and I think that if I can get over HHG, I can be happier and love
VKG more. If only I could get over HHG... Time, I need time. But
time is what I don't have. Why is everyone leaving...no one is staying.
Anyway, this is getting way too loooooong. I
should stop now. Hope this letter relieves your boredom at work! Now, I
should go to bed...zzz...
Boa Noite, Lovely!
Joshi
No comments:
Post a Comment