S: is super duper emotional and listening to Paloma Faith's sad songs with a lit candle is definitely not helping so she's not gonna try to type a rad title this time

(Before you start reading, feel free to scroll down and just start playing the linked youtube song so you can read while that song plays lol) (...or not)

Hey babe,

So it's been another while again haha, I wished I replied sooner but not that time matters..anyways, what I'm trying to say atm, is that I think getting over WI had got me back to who I once were. Lol. So, remember how I told you I used to change my heart and crushes very often, like really often? I remember being like that but I don't remember how and how it felt like to be like that. Well, I think I'm back to the place where I crushes or like someone (well as long as it's not love) really randomly or easily. Or well, I don't think I care that much if I really like-like someone. I just..move on quickly, and fall for the next randomly (not WI/PA kinda fall, just random stops on my way for your better understanding)(or just obsess a little with them haha), and move on, and next, and go on.
This would be a terrible state to be in, if I'm not this lazy and rather stay home for more random movies and tv shows and go out more often for #yolo#swag#selfie#clubbing#party..and you know what's following those hashtags HAHA. Maybe I should be glad that I'm fed up with the clubbing scene anyways, getting tipsy(which is fun, and still fun, if I'm being honest, which I am, as always) is cool, and the grinding (gross, but admit it it's part of the deal), and okay so now the next step (if you take it) is to randomly make out with a guy (or two, or a few, depends on how you like it) (or a girl, I won't judge) that you find cute, or not, or just cute enough that you don't find him gross, -and then what. It's not like I'm gonna do it with them, nah I don't want that. So it felt kind of pointless to me after that crazy LKF night in May. Hahaha, like I suddenly have the realization of finding all these, pointless. Or else, being in the mental state I'm in now, I'll be a whore lol without the hot body and heavy makeup cus I couldn't be bother to spend hours to pile them on and take them off(which is the bitch, damn pigments why are you still sticking on my face). 

Okay so enough bullshitting (wait no, actually, in fact, this whole thing will continue in that direction). I guess it should be counted as a series of events and random shits that got me to typing this, but anyways. So whilst my heart (or brain, or eyes)'s still on bank cutie, I asked my guy friend from Aus (you know who) for advices. We met up for drinks and shisha yesterday and he asked me about it, then I realize how 'quickly' I moved on. The reason with that "'" was that, practically, it's not that quick, it's a normal speed, or rather, slow, considering it never was anything serious or a legit relationship to begin with. But it's quick, comparing to WI... . So while my lovely Aus guy friend was asking about how things with BC went and if I ate him up, he REMINDED ME of him, and that idc about him anymore way before this so that doesn't matter anymore. Later that night, I ended up staying over at a friend's home(the one who our moms knew each other for a long long long time and don't care if I'm staying over at any point), and we were gonna watch FIFA together, but later decided not to cus she's got work at 8 in the next morning. Instead of not watching football and fall asleep like we were supposed to, we ended up chatting (which fyi the chat ended at 5:24am, idk why I remember that number so well but whatevs haha). I don't remember most of the conversation, it's mostly about our mutual friends and secondary school friends, and some old time stupid stuffs that may or may not involved a thing or two called 'msn' and 'xanga' and that era lol. Oh, and we discussed the relationships we had that were officially and 'counts', it doesn't matter with all that, cus all those were discussed a million times before then, and will be discussed a trillion times more in the future. What matters was how that convo had left me feeling, which I didn't sleep for the whole night (well we have to wake up at 6:40am anyways, it was an easy decision to give up on that extra hour of sleep), it's wrenching, and wrecking; depressing, but too pathetic to call it depressed.

It's one thing to know you love someone, the feeling where you can sense that it's more than just 'liking' someone, that you care, more than you should, along with a ton of other shits [at the times when, if you're a person like me, and you have a strong standing of defining 'like' and 'love' differently and not mixing them up]. But it's another thing to hear about people commenting on your past relationships(..or thing, since...we didn't exactly had a relationship, nope, we didn't, and I should go back to the cross out the word 'exactly', cus it's nothing, nothing close to being a relationship), and tell you what you had was love, what you gave was love, what you felt for that other person was love and it was devoting and devastating, and it is breaking me up inside when this came from a person who knew me longer than my brother was born. It's wrenching. If this is a post in cantonese, I'll say I felt really sour, my heart is feeling extremely sour.

[so this is where I paused on typing before going out to meet you and our lovely friend for drinks lol]

So just now, after sending you off to the taxi, I waited for like a good 10 minutes (probably less but it felt like a good 10-15) for a cab that never came, I was too impatient to stand at the same spot that I decided to walk home. Which I probably should have made this choice at the first place except for 1-I was in heels, and 2-I'm going to walk pass WI's home if I start walking from there and I'm emotional tonight which is definitely not a good time to walk pass that exclusive tourist spot. Anyways, impatience won and I walked past his home. Along with his exgirlfriend had just requested to follow me (on Instagram) after you left for a bit (which means she cares, and cares quite a lot lol, cus I'm pretty sure our encounter in LKF last thursday stirred feelings up for her a little). And remembering I was typing about that soury feeling right before our little drink meeting, this does not feel good. It's late, and feelings, and shits, and as our friends with an incredible amount of cold knowledges says, a person's most likely to tell the truth when they're tired, which meant people tends to tell the truth more easily or without defending anything as the clocks ticking late, or in my case, be honest with myself. I'm bullshitting like I'm think-typing or type-thinking I hope you don't mind haha, or you can read this later when you have like nothing to do and have time to kill for boredom (although you probably had already read too much bs if you're reading this, bleh anyways.)

Phew. okay. Know how in some movies the girls' always asking their lover who are the people they loved before them? I know I should have known this somewhere deeply in my heart long time ago before typing this out, but it feels different to admit this, like, he'll be the first and one of the important people in my life no matter how time changes and changed, cus I loved him, I really did (debated on whether or not to type 'do' instead of 'did', but let's not complicate things here since it's 2 and a half am now). *Sigh* okay, I don't even know what's the reason that I typed that, though at this point you'll prolly comfort me and say like it doesn't have to have a reason. Anyways it feels good to let this out :) So thanks for listening (or in this case, reading) my bullshits and rants :)

just second and third

Haha don't worry about bombing me with gifs, I love them. Okay so I was gonna type about the ED guy anyways after ranting about everything above. But since I've just told you about him I'll skip it here :) (and spare you from more reading lol)

I guess that had ended with this guy. It was fun, and I was expecting the convo to end soon after he had seen my face, (see how pathetic I am), but it's cool lol I'm not looking for anything serious or better yet, anything anyways.

BUT I'M JUST SO NG GUR TO HAVE MET A GUY LIKE THIS. Not ng gur in meeting him but NG GURRRRRRR (okay sorry to have broken the almost no-pingyin unspoken code on this site that never existed).

Hmm, so how's things with VKG :) Haven't heard about him for awhile now hehee I hope things going on great and you guys will meet asap in the States and HE BETTER GET BETTER INTERNET CONNECTIONS UNTIL HE DOES.

:3

okay

enough reading for the night (or day)

I'll talk to you again soon and see you beautiful face in the near future:D (like really near, hopefully. yay!)

Love,

Soya

P.S. This is the song playing before we meet up tonight and idk if it has anything to do with this (aka this post), but just felt like having it here even tho I'm pretty sure I had told you about this song before.

PPS. Why do I always have to add PSs and not just type them in the passage. Argh. This girl soya is so damn annoying.

PPPS. Just remembered this, I knew ED would be a trouble when I told our brownie friend about him couple days ago. Not like in the 'I know I'll fall for you' way, but just, well, sth to do with that, trouble, duh, uh. 

PPPPS. Or maybe you'll argue about it and say no-i-know-its-inthatwaystarsignsmirkstarsign. ...anyways.

PPPPPS. I knew you were trouble when you walked in~ (I just have to, ya know, lol).

last PS. Boobs. btw I got a cup larger(went to the shop ytd), which only meant I got fatter again cus the sales said I should go back and get an even bigger cup next time I return if I got fatter, or get my old size if I slimmed down. (CHERRRRR.)

okay I lied. PS. This font is so hard to read. Thanks for putting up with me.

J: you and me baby, we are a beautiful mess.

First off, I would like to express my deepest and greatest apology for not replying/posting for so long. It was like Finals period and then I flew back and then I got the massive wave of missing someone, and then I started working...everything in life just keeps coming at me wave after wave.  I guess that's how it gets, right? The older you get, the more troubles you are balancing in between your two hands. And you know how small my hands are.  But here I am now, replying to you baby:) Hope you don't mind it took me so long. Okay, enough with the blabberings and apologies.  

Wait, what? What does PF mean? So if there was no WI, then there would be PF and Soya? And he knows you well *smirk* but then at the same time, what he said sounded a bit bitter too... how he knows he will never get your heart because your heart belongs to someone else already (or belonging less and less? is your heart slowly being freed?) Or am I just over analyzing lol :p Oh well, girls over analyze anyway. And he got you that pricey ass purse heehee but well he willingly did it, so don't feel guilty gurllll!

Go horny dream! You can go way further than that, babe!  Heehee oh well, just dream away dream away! Dream of the hot and sexy PA and ff all over him! Don't worry about over ff-ing, just inject a little reality in it sometime in between. Tell me if you need help lol I can be the romance killer for you. You know who I am lol I am the one who successfully stopped you from buying stuff, so I got the power*** heehee jks :p And what do you think will happen when you see PA flesh and blood in real life next semester? Gotta prepare for that girl! He would be smiling and with that quiff and then that smile and the dreamy eyes and the muscles and shit (I know I know you are smiling now, tell me I'm right) You gotta play it cool and all that lol 

You be like this!

Or like this!

Or this lol sorry for the extreme gif-ing

And well, WI did message you in the end, so hope you felt better about it.  But you will find cooler and radder guys next semester, I assure you, and then you will be like "hello hotties, byebye WI" See, you are already beginning to swoon over other guys, so I have faith in you that you will get over WI entirely, like ENTIRELY, soon! I know it might be hard, but you'll be fine!

As for me, ahhhhhh, I apologize in advance for my up coming lovesick rant. 

I miss vkg so much! Us skyping more now just makes me miss him so much more because I actually see him and he is like so close and so far at the same time. :( I really hope he will make it to the US in August and then we could meet up.  I am forgetting how he smell already.  But I am not forgetting his laugh and all the rest (you know what I'm talking about) and the diy I told you about last time kinda works...? So I guess this is the first step to ldr as you said? I really wish me and him could work out despite the distance. Wish me luck and help me in the process! Like if I ever divert or anything, remind me and push me back. And pray that he won't change, pray that both of us won't change. And I am still slowly, like really slowly getting used to his texting habits (terrible terrible habits lol) but oh well, he made some efforts too, I can tell.  And vkg and I still couldn't define us even, like what are we? We both want to date each other so bad, but then with the distance, we just didnt want to take the chance and end up hating each other. Guess we just have to wait till when we are closer/when we are in the same city in the future. Does this mean we don't have enough faith, or do we have too much faith? Gosh, I am confused, and everything is a mess, and I am happy and sad at the same time still. (well, it's not as bad as it sounds, at least I get to be the lucky one this time to be loved and to love)

(Isn't it so pretty! India during the festival of lights? I suppose lol I forgot exactly what festival it was.)

Fuck, after Thursday, he would travel around India for 10 days, and this time, he really won't have much wifi nor 3G :( So there will be seriously like minimal conversation for 10 days! I will miss him so much I will keep bombing you and annoying you about it, so be prepared! Or please distract me for the coming 10 days so that I wouldn't go crazy. Oh and heehe btw, my radar for like, indian people are liked in tip top shape these days, like I notice them everywhere and then I think of him lol am I going crazy? And last time in Wanchai, I swear I saw someone just like him, like in a black polo and khaki shorts and backpack and that thick hair and same build, except he is wearing flipflops and vkg never wears flipflops.

And okay, I don't want to talk about that douche MC anymore, but he keeps getting people to talk to me. He got HHG yesterday, and then today, CB messaged me, though he didn't talk about MC, and we just talked for a bit and he said he had to go. But it's CB, like CB...We didn't talk at all after he left for exchange past semester, and now, out of no where he is messaging me and stuff. So I bet it's MC no doubt?

Anyhow, gosh I've been blabbering on for so long, and hope I do make sense still. So tired at work today. I inputted 250 name cards into the computer, my eyes were squinty as the most asian asian. Tchau for now! (gotta get into the worldcup mood with the portuguese)