S: is super duper emotional and listening to Paloma Faith's sad songs with a lit candle is definitely not helping so she's not gonna try to type a rad title this time

(Before you start reading, feel free to scroll down and just start playing the linked youtube song so you can read while that song plays lol) (...or not)

Hey babe,

So it's been another while again haha, I wished I replied sooner but not that time matters..anyways, what I'm trying to say atm, is that I think getting over WI had got me back to who I once were. Lol. So, remember how I told you I used to change my heart and crushes very often, like really often? I remember being like that but I don't remember how and how it felt like to be like that. Well, I think I'm back to the place where I crushes or like someone (well as long as it's not love) really randomly or easily. Or well, I don't think I care that much if I really like-like someone. I just..move on quickly, and fall for the next randomly (not WI/PA kinda fall, just random stops on my way for your better understanding)(or just obsess a little with them haha), and move on, and next, and go on.
This would be a terrible state to be in, if I'm not this lazy and rather stay home for more random movies and tv shows and go out more often for #yolo#swag#selfie#clubbing#party..and you know what's following those hashtags HAHA. Maybe I should be glad that I'm fed up with the clubbing scene anyways, getting tipsy(which is fun, and still fun, if I'm being honest, which I am, as always) is cool, and the grinding (gross, but admit it it's part of the deal), and okay so now the next step (if you take it) is to randomly make out with a guy (or two, or a few, depends on how you like it) (or a girl, I won't judge) that you find cute, or not, or just cute enough that you don't find him gross, -and then what. It's not like I'm gonna do it with them, nah I don't want that. So it felt kind of pointless to me after that crazy LKF night in May. Hahaha, like I suddenly have the realization of finding all these, pointless. Or else, being in the mental state I'm in now, I'll be a whore lol without the hot body and heavy makeup cus I couldn't be bother to spend hours to pile them on and take them off(which is the bitch, damn pigments why are you still sticking on my face). 

Okay so enough bullshitting (wait no, actually, in fact, this whole thing will continue in that direction). I guess it should be counted as a series of events and random shits that got me to typing this, but anyways. So whilst my heart (or brain, or eyes)'s still on bank cutie, I asked my guy friend from Aus (you know who) for advices. We met up for drinks and shisha yesterday and he asked me about it, then I realize how 'quickly' I moved on. The reason with that "'" was that, practically, it's not that quick, it's a normal speed, or rather, slow, considering it never was anything serious or a legit relationship to begin with. But it's quick, comparing to WI... . So while my lovely Aus guy friend was asking about how things with BC went and if I ate him up, he REMINDED ME of him, and that idc about him anymore way before this so that doesn't matter anymore. Later that night, I ended up staying over at a friend's home(the one who our moms knew each other for a long long long time and don't care if I'm staying over at any point), and we were gonna watch FIFA together, but later decided not to cus she's got work at 8 in the next morning. Instead of not watching football and fall asleep like we were supposed to, we ended up chatting (which fyi the chat ended at 5:24am, idk why I remember that number so well but whatevs haha). I don't remember most of the conversation, it's mostly about our mutual friends and secondary school friends, and some old time stupid stuffs that may or may not involved a thing or two called 'msn' and 'xanga' and that era lol. Oh, and we discussed the relationships we had that were officially and 'counts', it doesn't matter with all that, cus all those were discussed a million times before then, and will be discussed a trillion times more in the future. What matters was how that convo had left me feeling, which I didn't sleep for the whole night (well we have to wake up at 6:40am anyways, it was an easy decision to give up on that extra hour of sleep), it's wrenching, and wrecking; depressing, but too pathetic to call it depressed.

It's one thing to know you love someone, the feeling where you can sense that it's more than just 'liking' someone, that you care, more than you should, along with a ton of other shits [at the times when, if you're a person like me, and you have a strong standing of defining 'like' and 'love' differently and not mixing them up]. But it's another thing to hear about people commenting on your past relationships(..or thing, since...we didn't exactly had a relationship, nope, we didn't, and I should go back to the cross out the word 'exactly', cus it's nothing, nothing close to being a relationship), and tell you what you had was love, what you gave was love, what you felt for that other person was love and it was devoting and devastating, and it is breaking me up inside when this came from a person who knew me longer than my brother was born. It's wrenching. If this is a post in cantonese, I'll say I felt really sour, my heart is feeling extremely sour.

[so this is where I paused on typing before going out to meet you and our lovely friend for drinks lol]

So just now, after sending you off to the taxi, I waited for like a good 10 minutes (probably less but it felt like a good 10-15) for a cab that never came, I was too impatient to stand at the same spot that I decided to walk home. Which I probably should have made this choice at the first place except for 1-I was in heels, and 2-I'm going to walk pass WI's home if I start walking from there and I'm emotional tonight which is definitely not a good time to walk pass that exclusive tourist spot. Anyways, impatience won and I walked past his home. Along with his exgirlfriend had just requested to follow me (on Instagram) after you left for a bit (which means she cares, and cares quite a lot lol, cus I'm pretty sure our encounter in LKF last thursday stirred feelings up for her a little). And remembering I was typing about that soury feeling right before our little drink meeting, this does not feel good. It's late, and feelings, and shits, and as our friends with an incredible amount of cold knowledges says, a person's most likely to tell the truth when they're tired, which meant people tends to tell the truth more easily or without defending anything as the clocks ticking late, or in my case, be honest with myself. I'm bullshitting like I'm think-typing or type-thinking I hope you don't mind haha, or you can read this later when you have like nothing to do and have time to kill for boredom (although you probably had already read too much bs if you're reading this, bleh anyways.)

Phew. okay. Know how in some movies the girls' always asking their lover who are the people they loved before them? I know I should have known this somewhere deeply in my heart long time ago before typing this out, but it feels different to admit this, like, he'll be the first and one of the important people in my life no matter how time changes and changed, cus I loved him, I really did (debated on whether or not to type 'do' instead of 'did', but let's not complicate things here since it's 2 and a half am now). *Sigh* okay, I don't even know what's the reason that I typed that, though at this point you'll prolly comfort me and say like it doesn't have to have a reason. Anyways it feels good to let this out :) So thanks for listening (or in this case, reading) my bullshits and rants :)

just second and third

Haha don't worry about bombing me with gifs, I love them. Okay so I was gonna type about the ED guy anyways after ranting about everything above. But since I've just told you about him I'll skip it here :) (and spare you from more reading lol)

I guess that had ended with this guy. It was fun, and I was expecting the convo to end soon after he had seen my face, (see how pathetic I am), but it's cool lol I'm not looking for anything serious or better yet, anything anyways.

BUT I'M JUST SO NG GUR TO HAVE MET A GUY LIKE THIS. Not ng gur in meeting him but NG GURRRRRRR (okay sorry to have broken the almost no-pingyin unspoken code on this site that never existed).

Hmm, so how's things with VKG :) Haven't heard about him for awhile now hehee I hope things going on great and you guys will meet asap in the States and HE BETTER GET BETTER INTERNET CONNECTIONS UNTIL HE DOES.

:3

okay

enough reading for the night (or day)

I'll talk to you again soon and see you beautiful face in the near future:D (like really near, hopefully. yay!)

Love,

Soya

P.S. This is the song playing before we meet up tonight and idk if it has anything to do with this (aka this post), but just felt like having it here even tho I'm pretty sure I had told you about this song before.

PPS. Why do I always have to add PSs and not just type them in the passage. Argh. This girl soya is so damn annoying.

PPPS. Just remembered this, I knew ED would be a trouble when I told our brownie friend about him couple days ago. Not like in the 'I know I'll fall for you' way, but just, well, sth to do with that, trouble, duh, uh. 

PPPPS. Or maybe you'll argue about it and say no-i-know-its-inthatwaystarsignsmirkstarsign. ...anyways.

PPPPPS. I knew you were trouble when you walked in~ (I just have to, ya know, lol).

last PS. Boobs. btw I got a cup larger(went to the shop ytd), which only meant I got fatter again cus the sales said I should go back and get an even bigger cup next time I return if I got fatter, or get my old size if I slimmed down. (CHERRRRR.)

okay I lied. PS. This font is so hard to read. Thanks for putting up with me.