Gosh girl, everyone just wants you to be happy and be loved like you should! You are not dry and nothing close to ennui, rather, I feel that you've become much more vibrant and blooming in the past year:) and to hell with guys, they are not necessary in life, they are just, well, dudes...And again, you have all my best wishes and good luck to finding your beau, your cutie, your stubbly-faced hunk and your magic-emo-superhero! And I am not saying it because of your non-existent ennui but because I think you deserve it.
(my bitch, for reals? face but ofc I ain't as pretty as gweneth but yea.)
But he is so hipsterish, like I never imagined my sister with a hipster. This beau hikes, likes jazz and wears quirky clothes (the first time he was wearing a hawaiian looking shirt but replace the palm leaves with animals, and the second time he was wearing suspenders and a tee and a boater hat.) I always thought my sister would be with someone who's suited up, some wall street golden child. But apparently hipster is also her thing? (And she steals all my clothes to go on dates every day...like she's lucky I only wear my work clothes on the weekdays or else I'm gonna snatch my wardrobe back.)
(my little sad jam of the day or days...)
My job is alright, pretty chill and a tit-bit boring actually. Basically, I put together and edit pre-existing worksheets that the learning center already has and just perhaps add a little exercises here and there since my boss wants to expand business and publish and sell those worksheets. The Toronto guy is alright, like normal study-abroad face and accent. Nice body though, I think. And hey, there's nothing wrong to be biased.
And SWOON...that hot asian hipster model-type is absolutely swoon-worthy. All asian who can carry a beard (or who can actually grow one) and has messy hair and cheekbones and those cool eyes is just like god's magic in solid form.
But regarding your change of taste in your crushes (or potential lovers), I think the more you, or we, grow up, the more serious things get and we know what we want better and unlike in the past where we only swoon and crush from afar, we are actually at the age where we want to find someone, some companionship. I mean, there is a time when only swooning from afar is not enough. Or maybe we are just at this stage in life where we are all some horny and love-lusting souls craving some god-damned romance.
Boxers, boxers, boxers. Where should we start. You are one conflicting soul, hubs. Like you said you have no romantic feelings for him no longer, but you say you have this tension between you guys every time you guys are together. And girl, half-sleeping together? Like to what extent, did you guys sleep on the same bed? half-cuddled in your sleep? I am imagining, like what if you really end up with him and him and I meet and we will laugh and talk about that time at ORD where I spotted the wild boxers and him spying on me at the food court. And I will secretly tell him about all the conversations we've had about him heehee (or not if you don't want me to because girl codes trump the awkward-bf-of-hubby and gf's wifey bond) But well, well...who knows what will happen next year? or next month? or even tomorrow? Maybe he will leave his gf, maybe you will meet someone new. Maybe you guys are those type of friends where there is always this weird and strong connetion/tension but nothing ever happens. Or maybe you guys are meant to be. You never know. Life is like a box of chocolates, as Forrest said. So open up and taste more chocolates and then you will know which chocolate that has your name on it.
I wish I got to see John in his natural habitat on the streets of Chicago or in the classrooms of art schools but not through blurry or mega-zoomed in pictures heehee. Ah there are indeed so many types of people we meet in life, and so many missed chances. And I do believe that every guy, every one we fall for, fall in love with, or perhaps fall out of love with (and even every one we meet in life actually) will take away a piece of our souls. And I guess John was just one that took away a bigger chunk of yours this time. And your friend might say he was perfect for you, and that may be true. But girl, sometimes perfect is not the way to go, and may not be the best for you. Because life is made out of puzzle pieces, we need both flaws and perfection to complete our lives, our puzzles. Perfect is boring. Perfect is simply perfect and unflawed. But complicated is interesting. Complicated is mysterious. Complicated holds vast and endless possibilities. Complicated is ever-changing. Yes, complicated hurts and kills and tears people apart. But complicated makes us treasure what final outcome we receive. Complicated is sometimes beautiful.
( I don't know what got to me that I sound kind of philosophical and deep and I know I say it like it's easy to embrace complicated, but trust me I know it's not and I've been and I am still there in the complicated zone despite vkg's presence in my life, rather his distanced presence and I take the 'distance' in the literal manner. So bear with my phony-wise-sounding-tone this time)
And for Ethan, just scratch it if he's not your cup of tea. It's funny how we are like 'ugh, Americans'. Guess we both need some different and exotic and new and exciting in our lives. And to hell with summer flings, save them lips (and vjj) for the right guy that's coming along. As for the question you asked bigboobsR, I don't think that is a problem. You desiring guys who may not see you as their type and having guys desiring after you who aren't your type is a pretty normal dilemma and this is only happening because your Mr. Right is kinda slow and stupid and couldn't make his way to you yet. I feel like once you found the right one, then nothing of that sort will be a problem anymore:)
Good god, this is a fucking long post so I will just leave it like that. Please get your new passport soon so we can hang out this summer because I miss my hubby's boobs and face and presence and everything else. We definitely gotta go on our long-awaited date.
Take care,
Joshi
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