J: I got nothing much happening, my life is kinda boring

Hola amiga:)

Well, I think my Ma and Pa liked what they saw. But you see, the fast I am talking about is not the fact that my sister is sending her bf to see my parents at her early twenties, but the fast I am talking about is the fact that she sent her bf to see my parents within a month of dating. She said that despite only being together officially for a few weeks, she feels that their connection is way beyond a few weeks, so I don’t know, whatever makes her happy I guess.  But I mean, doesn’t anyone in the honeymoon period feel that way? Maybe its just my jealous head speaking, yea, I am pathetic and a terrible human being. But then my sis just heard from some friend who knew her beau's ex and she warned my sister about him being a playboy, and then my sister say they talked about it and feels that he changed and she feels that she should give a chance because people change and grow. I agree with her, because I did the same with vkg too. I mean people all have flaws, I have flaws and he accepted me so I gotta accept him too. I just don't want my sister to get hurt. I remember my first impression of her beau was that he is a hipster playboy and vkg just plainly said he looks like a horndog lol. But oh well, fingers crossed for her. 

Our bearded third-wheel will probably be in Chicago for a few days with me when I come visit you my hubby either in early November or at the beginning of Winter break.  So you guys will definitely meet up!

Omg your neon lights class sounds so much fun despite the hostile working circumstances. Please make me a neon light-sign thingy when I get married (if I really get married, if I don’t, make it when I die so I can have a cool ass funeral)!

I don’t really recall the Korean girl but, gurl she sounds goddamn awful. But I mean, you stayed away from her once, you can stay away from her again. Okay, I hate aggressive people and like the tone she uses sounds so awkward and aggressive and accusing, like are you in primary school? No one cares to offend you…things are just how they are. Suck it up and deal with it. The world does not revolve around her and definitely will not work to her liking or advantages. Some people just gotta grow up and “she just don't give a shit and things you do just will never be as good as hers and your choices and tastes are always wrong if it's not on the same line with her” quote of your description of her just reminds me so much of my ex-roommate (who always thinks she is better and knows better about things) and god it was so annoying and just…girl why is your ego so big why don’t you just come suck my dick. 

Okay, like I don't get how people can be in a LDR and still flirt with other people and be like down to hook up on tinder. Or maybe I'm just too naive or too much of a romantic in this day and age where everyone is casual and dtf. But if you are in a relationship, aren't you suppose to be committed? Hey, but if she isn't going for the guy, you should go for him! Like I mean if he's cute and you guys are cool and chill together. I haven't seen AF guy in so long I don't really know how he looks now. What if he is super ugly lol 

Gosh speaking of which, this is totally unrelated. Today, I was taking the subway from Causeway bay to Prince Edward and there is this high-school looking couple and they were hugging and making out like with tongue all the way, and they got into the same cart as I was in Admiralty when I changed to the red line and ewww they were so gross. Like, get a room, guys! And there is once the guy made eye contact with me and he smiled at me...so fucking creepy. And then there is this dad holding his daughter in his arm, and the little girl was super curious and the dad kept pushing her back so she doesn't turn around. There is this one moment when the dad and I had eye contact and we just smiled super mo loi. Like people PDA like its nothing here, and I am not being biased because I am in ldr. And it's not just me, right? That dad felt awkward too and the entire cart feels so uncomfortable I am sure. 

Okay, back to your stuff. I sure hope I won't have roommates issues this coming year. But girl, it's just the beginning of the semester and you guys are already like this, how will the rest of the year go? I am ready for all your rants about rmmY. Now you made me worried, cuz vkg wants to visit me for a month in October and he might stay with me in Iowa City after he visit home in April or May. Do you think my roommates will be cool with it? I mean I will tell them in advance but I sure hope they won't be mad at me. But okay, back to rmmY. It is indeed very very very awkward to have your roommate's father walking around the house. And about the notes, the first one is extremely passive aggressive, and I think the second one is alright. But I mean you guys are living together and are friends, like it's hard to count every single fucking penny. 

Heehee well wait for time to unravel your future no matter with boxers or with whoever comes your way! Kiss around, flirt around but careful with house of strangers and STDs! Have fun but stay safe. Okay, I sound like your mama now but I guess a wifey is kinda like a mama since your mama has to hear about your hospital episode through your wifey. 

But anyway, I met up with prupru yesterday and we watched Jurrasic World together. I had loads of fun so girl you gotta come back and we'll all hang together. I have such cute and artsy friends:) I'm proud. I really hope when we grow up we can start and be our own artsy group of friends and who knows, maybe we can start a business together or something! That'd be cool, right? But oh well, I have no clue what my future plans are right now. Like what I want to do and all that. My life. My life.

this is unrelated but cute 

Anyway, I don't have much to update since my life is super boring and ennui. I just keep eating and meeting people and friends (which is fun) and meeting aunties and uncles and getting fatter and fatter. And I haven't started with Sense8, but I went to the last TV show screening of Le French May and I saw a French show called Chefs and I really like it! You can see if you like it too:) Gosh, come back please, for reals...

Your wifey,
Joey

S: Ability to put up and live with shitty people is an art and I'm literally learning

Ma chérieee

I guess from the title you can already tell this is gonna be a bitchy rant letter but I guess reading nonsense is a way to relax a lil in the middle of a boring work day (at least it works for me) so bleh I'm gonna rant awayyyy.

Haha so what did your ma and pa say about your sis's beau. Damn this is fast, but not too far considering I am and you'll soon be in your twenties lol. I met up with my friend's group of friends from Purdue (2 hours drive from Chicago, wherever that is) for dinner on friday. Most of them are or around the same age with my friend who's a senior and newly grad, and one of the girls graduated one year prior and just got married couple months ago. This whole group of people are all from Hong Kong, which felt pretty bizarre but in a nice way the night we had dinner, because it's just so rare to have this whole local-ish Hongkongese vibe around in such a long time. Felt kind of funny, can't say I don't miss speaking in full Canto for just a couple hours with people fully understanding what words like 'kai' and 'hea' is without the need to explain to them. So anyway, back to relationships. I wonder if you will get married soon after you graduate haha, 'cause the more I think about it the more I can see it happen lol but don't let my bullshits like these burden you or anything haha this is just a random thought. Lol the hipster bit. I kind of like it seeing your sis is not going for the typical guy-in-a-suit lol Kinda nice to switch it up a lil ey? And I can't say I'm not biased to hipsters anyway so lol

Yessssss you and your bearded-manwhore should definitely come to Chicago (if you are not already tired of it) and maybe even for more than just a weekend! So I can steal you from him (or well, claim) for a night or so :p Couples couples. All is well and will be well when you see him again *emoji relief face* I guess seeing couples on the street doesn't bother me anymore. But on the other hand living with one definitely does Ugh. I guess it's nice that I have studio classes everyday 9-430. Otherwise I'll spend a lot more time at home with the couple that's getting into my nerves. The class I'm currently taking is about neon lights. Sounds cool ey? So cool that people dropped out after the first two days for reasons like 1-not expecting it to be such technical and crafty and 2-allegic reactions to certain materials. Eitherway, there's only 7 of us left in the class now with one of the ABT(aiwan) from UW Madison. Surprisingly enough apparently their fine art program is pretty strong too, and they have a ton of gallery space with students running them really well. Maybe one day I'll go there for exhibitions or something. Funny how WI no longer messes with my head anymore although I still think of him every single time I see Wisconsin/Madison being brought up. I guess memories are a souvenir from our past and feelings. 

So. Rants. Phew. There's a lot. How do I start. 

Okay so 2 bitches are currently bugging me a ton right now. Gonna start of with the easier one first. So. I'm not sure how much you know/remember about a particular really annoying Korean girl. But she's one of the few friends that stayed in Chicago for the summer too. To summarize, she's a diva. The world is always "super mean" and "super rude" to her and everyone should apologize. Gosh get over yourself. Normally when she's complaining about her life I'm already a bit annoyed, 'cause she's just the kind of people that takes things way too personally. Like if there's this guy who walked in front of her and didn't hold the door for her too, he's rude. Okay come on let's face it, it'd be nice if he does hold the door for her but it's not like he's RUDE if he doesn't kay? But hell to the yes and she will make a BIG fuss about things like this. Ugh. And I know she rant to me seeking bitchy comments on that too to justify her ng-gur-ness but sorry not sorry I just can't give her that for situations like these I don't wanna betray my own voice too much and be a puppet and agree to those 'cause I don't and honestly she's just such a diva. She's just the kind of girl who complains about everything and she can be a really supportive friend at times, but other times she just don't give a shit and things you do just will never be as good as hers and your choices and tastes are always wrong if it's not on the same line with her. Yes, you might ask why am I still friends with her. I don't know because I fucking stayed away from her after first semester when we no longer share 3 classes together. Then we distanced ourselves a lil and one day she told me the reason she got so much quieter in second semester was because of her depression and eating disorder and that she tried to kill herself (I can sense the problem too 'cause when she was *sick* she wasn't a diva, and duh, yes that's very obvious, and tbh now that I think about it I liked her better when she was that way but of course I won't wish diseases/pain/sorrow on her). Anyway then we started hanging out more again because I felt like it mustn't be easy to open up about things like these to people and it's not like you're gonna run around and tell just everyone (or someone can, idk and idc.) Anyway then it's the end of school year and being one of the rare people and friends tagging around it was natural that we hung out a lot more. She takes classes 3 mornings a week over the 6 weeks period, while I do daily afternoons in the first 3 weeks and daily full schedules on the last 3. It was fine for the amount of time we hang out in the first three weeks, when some of her friends are still around and I'm not that tired after liberal art class and I still get lots of alone time if I want to after class because it was relatively chill. But this class (not complaining but) is just so tiring. I did not expect this, and I'm pretty sure the satisfaction of final product (having a god damn neon sign for myself) will be pretty rewarding but it's honestly just a really hard course and for some reason, pretty draining. We basically spend all day working with fires that resemble two or more bunsen burner in ovary shape and burn glass tubes and try not to break it while bending it and doing shits with it. In one sentence, it's all standing in no ac-room (fire and temperature for materials and safety and shit, but it's in a basement and there's tens of fires burning in the room) and work all day. Maybe it's the heat in combination with the extreme focus required on handling those glasses, it's just very draining and usually by the end of the day I really feel like I have no energy to do anything not even to cook a noodle (that requires more standing while waiting for the boil lol). So yea anyway, being the personal-time-needy person I am and facing the diva-girl she is, I can't be seeing her everyday already anyway, and now on top of the energy draining course and her extreme boredom this is just hell. Idek what I'm trying to say here. Urghhhhhh. Okay I know I'm really 1999 here but there's one good thing about her, which is she will say what she's feeling when she's feeling it. Which is also part of why she's such a diva but good at times when you're trying to be the comforting friend. But gosh she's so easily offended and she will go like "I haven't receive your apology yet". Who are you the queen? Dafaq. Like she will be saying "I'm still really upset about it" and then when can we meet up and such. So I was like what about tomorrow dinner? And she was like asking if I'm free tonight. So I told her the truth and said "Yeah but I have groceries stacking from last week that I wanna finish up tonight". Then she was like "eat dinner tonight for apology". Well fuck you! You don't feel like dealing with whatever you think is a huge apocalypse-ish problem and I don't feel like dealing with your UPSETness and your diva-estique too

And yay! Now she will be the one who's mad and I'll be the bitch. Of course it is, of course I am -_- But your highness while I have sympathy over your boredom I myself am the only one who will be sympathizing my lost precious personal time too. How about nah.

Side note. I know I have the very bad habit of setting people off (rare on close friends or rare nowadays in general lol) But is it just me or is it normal to assume that, if you propose a meet up on the day like immediately, and if the other party don't respond or say anything confirming it, isn't it safe to assume that THAT IS NOT HAPPENING? .....idk. Let me know. Maybe I was living less social norms that I thought I am...................

Phew. Rant on bitch 1. I feel like I'm talking-to-myself-ish in the way I rant this time that I don't even bother to chill a lil but BLEH. K I'll lighten up the mood for a lil. Lol. From dinner with my friends the other night. There was this guy who's pretty cute and tbh the only non-toxichkjj there. Anyways, he's pretty funny and tall and stuffs. We were having Korean food that night and he was like saying no to every dish with green. Then the girl next to him, opposite to me, was asking me like don't everyone eat green. And I was like of course! But that's only bcs I have to shit, otherwise I won't be eating it either. And he was like proud and saying like "See, green just sucks and no one likes it if they don't have to". Then I was like hellyes. But how do you shit if you don't eat green and we got into another whole discussion about the annoyingness of fruits and how banana (as he claims) is the most convenient fruit to eat. Bleh anyway. So after dinner, me and my friend, and the only other girl (newly wed whom I just met) was walking towards the train station/home together while the other 6 guys were all from Purdue and were all gonna drive back at the spot to Indiana (yes just googled, that's where it is). And immediately after the guys left the girls asked me what did I thought (one asked on the way back and the other asked after she got home) and I was like I didn't realize that was like a blind/speed dating kind of thing lol. Then the friend I went with kept saying how the nogreens-guy was the only normal guy there and such and such. I didn't say anything back to either of them but yeahhhhhhh  righhhhhhhht he's pretty cute. Looks a bit like the AF who lives in the same building as you in HK though, which is weird....lol Anyway. Then ytd there was some other fuss about those two girls that one of them thought my friend got pissed abt her 'cause she was quiet on the way back while she and me kept chatting almost the whole way (which was not the case, it was just period exhaustion --) And so when my friend call me ytd while me and the period-one was at my home we were like asking abt it 'cause she's the one who ask my friend if she's pissed abt the other girl (let's hope you aren't confused lol) and blablablah I thought my friend's gonna say something but she ended wanting to pretend not be here so I just played along and ask ard for stuffs she was texting me next to me about (-_- lol). And during that I found out the nogreensguy had a crush on my friend next to me, which is funny and suddenly all make sense because she kept saying that guy's really good and stuffs. This friend of mine is in a LDR though, with her bf in London. Doesn't seem to stop her from nonstop texting that guy but lol ohwell I see why she kept selling him to me now hahhahaa. She does laugh at all his texts though qwertqwert (MUAHAHAHA longtimenosee)

Okay anyway. Onto bitch #2. Bitch whom I'm literally learning to live with. Forgot how much I told you or perhaps none I really can't remember but anyways so to refresh memories her dad was in town last sunday to friday, which I've known for months. What I didn't know was that her dad is gonna stay with us. All along I knew her dad is coming and I know he will be visiting our apartment, which is why her boyfriend/summer-stand-in-roommate had to move out during the time he's in town. What I didn't know was that her dad is gonna come live with us, not just for one or two days too either, but the whole week, and guess what, she did not tell me about this. Not until after she picked her dad up at the airport and sent me a text saying "picked up my dad *victory hand sign* and I was like oh cool. And suddenly rmbed and asked sounding as not alerted as possible if he's staying in the hotel or with us. And she replied with a sure tone with us and I was like shit uh-oh. Replay on that day I went up seeing my absent roommate's mattress in the living room I was like confused and having bad juju feeling but damn. Like isn't it safe to assume he's going to live in the hotel if they mentioned and asked me if I know about any good hotels in Chicago before? Even if not, shouldn't you at least have the decency to give me a heads up if your dad is gonna come stay with us. Like you know to ask for permission to have your boyfriend stay over here it's not too much to ask and expect the same when your dad is gonna come stay over? It's not like I will say no when you ask but honestly it's really uncomfortable. Imagine being in my shoe, that's basically having a random mid-age man coming to stay at my home. Is it too much to expect some respect on this. Honestly I'd be more comfortable having your ons/random hookup here than having your dad dropped in from the sky with no ground to say no. Anyway. I was gonna talk to her about it (since she's the one who ask for a heads up even when just having friends over, which didn't seem to imply on herself that I found out while talking to this Chinese girl the other day and she said "huh I thought you went back to Hong Kong 'cause the last few times I went to your home I didn't know you were there". And nope I did not say anything about that.), back to the sentence, I was gonna talk to her about it but her dad is always here so I thought it won't be a nice time to talk to her now with the guest present so I was gonna wait till her dad is gone to talk to her but that still haven't happen okay nvm. That got me kinda really pissed but it's not until this thing that I really have to rant it out.

She's the name on our electricity bill because I lost my debit card and my passport is on hold when I was gonna register for it (which btw I have no idea why should I be dealing with all rent, wifi, insurance, sewage, and every damn thing either). So awhile ago she got the electricity bill for this month and she was basically complaining how it got a lot pricier than the month we move in while indicating I switch on the aircon for way too much (which I know and am sorry about too and I mean it but I just feel heat too easily as oppose to her feeling cold all the time and honestly way too often and yes fyi she's the kind of girl who always get headaches and was wearing long sleeves in early october while I was still in tanks. It's not anyone's fault or anything. We just have different body structures, or as the way I see it.) So when I got the rent bill for the coming month and saw the lil tips session at the back of the statement saying generally fridge takes up 20% of household electricity bill and suggest on turning the temperature of that down, I thought of her complaining about the bill. So a couple days ago, I discovered a lil issue with our fridge which is when we close the fridge door even with the slightest power, the freezer door will pop out, hence it will always be running the motor like hell trying to produce enough energy to keep the food cold hence spending more electricity, right? So I wrote a note saying lets keep that freezer door close explaining what I just typed couple lines ago and put it on the fridge door with moloi emoji face so we can all see and remember 'cause I think that's a huge part of why our bill went up (with that door never fully shut). All out of good intentions. Then while she's being the bitch she is with the whole mess of her dad living here which I still haven't TALK TO HER about, I thought I shouldn't be a bitch just because she is one. So while i can totally not do this i still did ‘notify’ her my friend's coming back with me after grocery run to chill (LIKE SHE ASKED. FOR HEADSUPS). And when i open the door she immediately banged her door shut (which i understand for privacy, but was just rude. okay nvm). Then i saw two fresh notes around the house. Note #1 on the floor near living room and another on the door. Ugh ill just send you two pics of those notes cbf to type them out but it was just so passive aggressive and I felt like I did my note because of what you said and I was just trying to cope with what you said and felt like thats a good idea but the way she did hers was just so passive aggressive or idk if im just too sensitive while reading it you be the judge but that just got me so pissed.

Argh I really just wanna air those negative energies out but I don't know how and it's not like I have energy after class anymore to do anything else to put it off (sounds like an excuse but is actually true and besides I'm broke anyway). Okay let's see. Boxers. Hahahaha yes that is really conflicting and I'm still really conflicted while feeling this is gonna be a recurring problem. Half sleeping tgt with two twin mattress aligned and lol no cuddles, just him getting maybe a bit too close to my pillow sometimes after he's asleep while nocturnal me don't fall deep into sleep as early as he does and sometimes join the living room gang later after websurfing in my room for a bit. Ever getting together with him just sounds like a parallel universe lol Not that I want to or not want to, but yea anyway. I'm happy the way things are right now. It's just this conflicting voice in me everytime I spend too much time with him is just getting confusing and conflicting and is recurring and every one is telling me (okay not every one but people who knows like mk and our friend in Aus).

John John John. Lots of feelings but not much to put in words. He's always gonna be representing something to me. Prolly something so deep and philosophical though that my vocab-lacking brain isn't able to comprehend. But oh John. John oh John.

Hahaha have I told you I got dragged to psychic reading couple weeks ago (yes Korean diva girl). Anyway out of the many things she said and about some more recent-related ones, I should enjoy my summer and I should kiss around and flirt around but she was like don't have sex! Just kiss around. Which I can't help but half-giggled-laughed at the time. But it's nice to keep that spirit or having the mind thinking I too am still able to have fun and such being the way I am. Sigh idk.

Miss you so much I'm finally starting to miss Hong Kong. Finally. I'm pretty sure those two bitches #1 & #2 definitely speeded this up and pushed me to missing the familiars and the lovings but sigh. Can't wait to have my other roommate back either. The suicidal but cute and way more mature roommate. Sigh. She's having a hard time too but another time another story I'm already ranting too much.

Funny how we barely skyped this semester but hopefully my passport thing will work out fine and I will be coming back to see your fine ass soon. Have fun at work an update me in my pissable life haha. Btw almost done with Sense8, have you started? 

Love,

Rosie Soya

PS. I'm one annoying soul;

J: Maybe we are all just some horny and love-lusting souls craving some god-damned romance.

Dear Soya,

Gosh girl, everyone just wants you to be happy and be loved like you should! You are not dry and nothing close to ennui, rather, I feel that you've become much more vibrant and blooming in the past year:) and to hell with guys, they are not necessary in life, they are just, well, dudes...And again, you have all my best wishes and good luck to finding your beau, your cutie, your stubbly-faced hunk and your magic-emo-superhero! And I am not saying it because of your non-existent ennui but because I think you deserve it.

Heehee Sister Ho is indeed quite contradicting...like sister hoe and nun ho or something like that. You know what I mean. But yes, Sister Ho cannot be happier now with her new beau and she also cannot stop ditching me or being mega-fucking late when she promised to meet up with me after her time with her beau. Like ugh girl! Stop being late, she wasn't like that before and like I wasn't late when I was hanging with vkg and gotta leave to meet up with her afterwards. But yea, I've met her beau twice, and tomorrow my pops and my mama are gonna meet him too... (talk about fast, right?)

(my bitch, for reals? face but ofc I ain't as pretty as gweneth but yea.)

But he is so hipsterish, like I never imagined my sister with a hipster. This beau hikes, likes jazz and wears quirky clothes (the first time he was wearing a hawaiian looking shirt but replace the palm leaves with animals, and the second time he was wearing suspenders and a tee and a boater hat.) I always thought my sister would be with someone who's suited up, some wall street golden child. But apparently hipster is also her thing? (And she steals all my clothes to go on dates every day...like she's lucky I only wear my work clothes on the weekdays or else I'm gonna snatch my wardrobe back.)

(my little sad jam of the day or days...)

Anyway, yea me and vkg have been together for a little over a year and we are still going well:) I am happy too lol but seriously, I cry way too much and he cries sometimes too but that I'll tell you about later when I see your lovely ass in the pearl of the east that is way too fucking hot. And definitely, you should meet him! If he comes to visit me in Iowa, we should go to Chicago for a weekend so my legit hubby can meet the affair-manwhore soon heehee...Ugh I know I say it everytime but I fucking miss that bearded-fella. And I finally understand what that cuddle-cafe girl in the vice video about japanese sex industry (have I shown you that video?) said, that when she sees couples on the streets on holidays she wished they'd die. I mean I don't wish people die, I am not that hateful just yet. I just feel sad and miss vkg. (btw my sis and her beau's pda is on the brink of driving me mad.)

My job is alright, pretty chill and a tit-bit boring actually. Basically, I put together and edit pre-existing worksheets that the learning center already has and just perhaps add a little exercises here and there since my boss wants to expand business and publish and sell those worksheets. The Toronto guy is alright, like normal study-abroad face and accent. Nice body though, I think. And hey, there's nothing wrong to be biased.

And SWOON...that hot asian hipster model-type is absolutely swoon-worthy. All asian who can carry a beard (or who can actually grow one) and has messy hair and cheekbones and those cool eyes is just like god's magic in solid form.

But regarding your change of taste in your crushes (or potential lovers), I think the more you, or we, grow up, the more serious things get and we know what we want better and unlike in the past where we only swoon and crush from afar, we are actually at the age where we want to find someone, some companionship. I mean, there is a time when only swooning from afar is not enough. Or maybe we are just at this stage in life where we are all some horny and love-lusting souls craving some god-damned romance.

Boxers, boxers, boxers. Where should we start. You are one conflicting soul, hubs. Like you said you have no romantic feelings for him no longer, but you say you have this tension between you guys every time you guys are together. And girl, half-sleeping together? Like to what extent, did you guys sleep on the same bed? half-cuddled in your sleep? I am imagining, like what if you really end up with him and him and I meet and we will laugh and talk about that time at ORD where I spotted the wild boxers and him spying on me at the food court. And I will secretly tell him about all the conversations we've had about him heehee (or not if you don't want me to because girl codes trump the awkward-bf-of-hubby and gf's wifey bond) But well, well...who knows what will happen next year? or next month? or even tomorrow? Maybe he will leave his gf, maybe you will meet someone new. Maybe you guys are those type of friends where there is always this weird and strong connetion/tension but nothing ever happens. Or maybe you guys are meant to be. You never know. Life is like a box of chocolates, as Forrest said. So open up and taste more chocolates and then you will know which chocolate that has your name on it.

I wish I got to see John in his natural habitat on the streets of Chicago or in the classrooms of art schools but not through blurry or mega-zoomed in pictures heehee. Ah there are indeed so many types of people we meet in life, and so many missed chances. And I do believe that every guy, every one we fall for, fall in love with, or perhaps fall out of love with (and even every one we meet in life actually) will take away a piece of our souls. And I guess John was just one that took away a bigger chunk of yours this time. And your friend might say he was perfect for you, and that may be true. But girl, sometimes perfect is not the way to go, and may not be the best for you. Because life is made out of puzzle pieces, we need both flaws and perfection to complete our lives, our puzzles. Perfect is boring. Perfect is simply perfect and unflawed. But complicated is interesting. Complicated is mysterious. Complicated holds vast and endless possibilities. Complicated is ever-changing. Yes, complicated hurts and kills and tears people apart. But complicated makes us treasure what final outcome we receive. Complicated is sometimes beautiful.

( I don't know what got to me that I sound kind of philosophical and deep and I know I say it like it's easy to embrace complicated, but trust me I know it's not and I've been and I am still there in the complicated zone despite vkg's presence in my life, rather his distanced presence and I take the 'distance' in the literal manner. So bear with my phony-wise-sounding-tone this time)

And for Ethan, just scratch it if he's not your cup of tea. It's funny how we are like 'ugh, Americans'. Guess we both need some different and exotic and new and exciting in our lives. And to hell with summer flings, save them lips (and vjj) for the right guy that's coming along. As for the question you asked bigboobsR, I don't think that is a problem. You desiring guys who may not see you as their type and having guys desiring after you who aren't your type is a pretty normal dilemma and this is only happening because your Mr. Right is kinda slow and stupid and couldn't make his way to you yet. I feel like once you found the right one, then nothing of that sort will be a problem anymore:)

Good god, this is a fucking long post so I will just leave it like that. Please get your new passport soon so we can hang out this summer because I miss my hubby's boobs and face and presence and everything else. We definitely gotta go on our long-awaited date.


Take care,
Joshi

S: Lost love is sweeter when it's finally found/ Our love is deeper than the oceans of water

Dear Joshi,

I figured I rather use this blog more often than to have context "with substances" every time. And since it's summer time, and life is relatively chiller, here I go again HAHAHA.

First off, thanks for the birthday wishes :> 20 years out from the vajayjay phewwww (sounded like getting out of jailtime lol). Hhahaha I'm let that vjj ownwer know how glad you are of her effort in pushing me out of there :p Hahaha gurl you have no idea. How many people told me to get a bf along with their birthday wishes this year. It makes me wonder...am I really that dry and ennui? I should probably get a life...but I thought I had one. I thought I have one. Just didn't realize how emotionally-dry I left an impression in my fellow lovely friends minds the past year. Maybe my social network posts had been too emo? No idea.....gosh.

Just went to have dinner at this lovely restaurant with roommate Y hahaha. We were gonna go to this place called (...nvm. after 10-seconds of trying to recall the name, I give up.) But the restaurant section is closed on monday leaving only the bar side of it. So we got on über again to go to this other place we yelped. And that driver turned out to be the guy who drove us to the closed restaurant lol. Awkward, but fun hahaha. The place is super cute, has all the aesthetics my room (at least the table area) look up to, dark metal and dark woods and dim lightings and shits hahaha. They even offer event plannings and I was telling my company how this would be a cute little place to host weddings (our bill came with this postcard with an image of a peony bouquet that promotes their event plannings) parties with a small number of guests. Then I told her if I'm to do it there I will shut all the black curtains and light purple candles on the tables half-jokingly (there are black curtains and each table has a tiny white candle.) And she said she will wish me the best but ask me not to invite her lol. Anyways, nevertheless, it was a lovely dinner, with lots of talks on my non-existing love life lol.

Congrats sister ho! (Okay I now do realize it sounds like some nun thing lol). But despite their newly-got-tgt-couple-gooeiness I'm glad your sister found her happiness :) But wow boy do they move fast lol. At this rate you'll be picking your bridesmaid dress soon HAHA. So wait the guy is in HK? ...guess you will be passing your sis a tip or two on ldrs. Speaking of which, your hubby here is so kaixin (happy sounds too basic and the word glad is redundant 'cause I just used that couple lines ago.  Anyway.) (I guess I just caught a glimpse of the chaotic mind an english major will be having in cultivating their languages.) I know it must be hard :| But hey you guys are meeting again soon :D! Wished he got a job in Chicago at least till you graduate so you guys could more easily spend time together :| But at least on the bright side, he too is in the States :) Lost track of how long had you guys been together it feels like forever? I need to meet this cute hunk of yours sometime! It's only fair to have your legit hubby meet with your affair at some point~ 

Oh. And tell me the story of their gooey Marry You song sometime when you got around. Hahaha. Lol.

Woopwoop lemme know how the job goes! And is that guy from Toronto cute? Hahaha. I am now super biased to liking things from Toronto. And yeah I am a very biased person that just came to recognizing that awhile ago, who should be ashamed of her unfairness of judgements but is shamelessly not and still totally biased towards most things in life. Bleh. Oh, and I was showing this guy to my friend over dinner just now, guy that I saw on buzzfeed earlier this morn. And she took one look and said he's totally my type. I asked how so, and she said of that long hair and ragged looks. 

(so much on Westernized Asians hipsters ey lol

This is the kind of pics that got him on Buzzfeed tho *see below*)

I think people I like (crush) after getting into art school are very different and a lot more real than crushes I had before. Y said it's because I now know better about my likes and nots, but the annoying thing about that is, every time when I like someone now, I really really do like them a ton lot. (Speaking of which, this is my new fav band and here's their first song I got drawn to.)

Right after we stepped into the elevator from the apt., Y ask me if i had decided my mind of Boxers and John ('cause I was having the dilemma of not knowing if I really fell back in love with him or did I just got used to Boxer's existence after living together for 10 days and in-a-way sleeping-together for half of those days.) (sigh the good o'times when I first mention that guy to you lol I still remember it was on this blog hahaha.) Anyways, before collecting what my real thoughts are I had already decided that I will let her know I have nth towards Boxers anymore either way. Guess her shits did afterall got to me a bit ey? Anyways, on Boxers, to be very honest with you I still have these complicated feelings. On one side, I care a lot about him, more than I usually care about any of my ex-crushes and male friends or friends in general. And I care about him not less than how much I care about you and my other bestie in HK, and in a way I'd guiltily admit I care about him more, maybe because of his medical history and such, idk, but yah. Anyway. On the other hand, when I'm with him the tension is more than just family-like, like we claim. And all in all, I will honestly admit that the possibly-faluse-but-real feeling of emptiness and romantically longingness that he left me with and the slight sadness of his nonexistence in the first two weeks after he's gone back to his home country is finally starting to wear off. Not sure if this is really going into the way it actually is though, or if it's just because we are both lazy texters and knowing that I made zero to negative attempts in engaging online conversations with him esp. after he's gone. Since we are already onto this topic though, I was quite happy at the first few days when he was back there and he saw this thing and sent to me and said it's so me in the groupchat, and sent me this other collection of images he took and saw in an art exhibit that reminded him of me. That was quite dearing and sweet you gotta admit, and considering he was my (ex?) crush, well duh. lol.

John.

How do I even begin with him. 

I know we aren't talking about him but I might as well tell you what I told my dinner company couple hours ago. Sigh. Okay. Here we go. 

Okay. Yes. I don't think about him as much anymore. But oddly he will still hold the same place as he had occupied before. Tbh idk if you know but I'm really not the kind that fantasize about my future loverboi much. Yes I ask around my closest friends of their thoughts on that quite a lot but other than that I really don't think about it much. I don't even think about those after the conversation ends. To your surprise those thoughts only exist during the time of the convos. Anyways. As what I told her and what she told me back and in conclusion, he's just exactly what I like and more than I could imagine. More than I could ever imagine. She used the word "perfect". I prefer to stay neutral on this term not that I'm not biased here. Anyway my lingual is a mess and bleh. He's just, what I'll dream off but way beyond my imagination and need I remind you *shamelessly* my imagination is known to be pretty wild and broad. 

She said over dinner if John has long hair I will be gone. As in heart attack kind of gone and as in the mama-can't-take-it-no-more kind of gone. Wish you could have seen him in person. He's truly one of a kind. Up till this day I still don't know what is it about him and what is it in him. It's just like I've been casted a spell, a curse, to fall in him like this. Like that.

Anyway, enough about magical connections and unicorn farts.

Ethan wished me happy birthday. I will say thanks later when I reply to the Facebook posts of course.  I feel like I should feel more bad than what I currently feel. But because he's American? Aren't the culture here pretty casual about these. I don't feel much. Scratch that, I just don't feel anything, basically, to him. Yah right. Could have turned that into at least a Summer fling of some sort, and he's not a bad kisser yeah. But this would just turn into something like my past relationship if I keep it going, and I'm very sure about this. Where I will be with him, but thinking about another guy all the time. Maybe because he's American (sorry for being so racist), I feel like he won't care as much and tbt I don't think he will notice if I really intend to hide those feelings. It's just, what's the point. Okay. Idk. It's not like he will make me sad but it's not like he will make me any happier than I can make myself you know what I mean? Y said I'm afraid of trying out new stuffs (and in a way she just didn't say, a coward.) But really, from my point of view I just don't see the point. And you know I either feel all or nothing, an in this, I'm just sorry to inform any of my friend who cares, that I unfortunately don't. feel. anything. to him.

1. More on that, hopefully you're not bored by now, or if you are, just tank with me for a moment longer. I am attracted to dark matters. (LOL) Dark souls. EMOs. But what I manage to attracts are often the sun-shiny grins-wearing kind of guys. Uh. Was just asking my friend from HK with big boobs (R) what should I do if guys I'm attracted to are way too smart for me but guys who aren't that smart just don't attract me at all. I know I've got my high standards (as you guys call it) to blame, but idk. It's not like I'm constantly looking for those (am I?), I am just attracted to that kind of wittiness and such. Ugh. But I don't feel like I'm up to their standards myself yet. Which is sad news and I should work on that but this is like what? 70% natural born and 30% you-gta-work-on-it-babe? Idk.

Anyways. 00:27 am now I should probably at least catch a shower. Hopefully your first day of work went (or goes) well. You can always text me when you're bored or gotta rant about it, I promise I will reply as soon as I see it. 

Ciaos & 143,
Soya 
x

PS. Jerk wished me hbd. Did not expect that. Rly looking forward to squish your boobies with sweaty hugs btw. Ew. Ly.

J: Ain't no birthday blues for you *wink*

Dear Soya,

First things first, happy vagina-departure-memorial day! You have been breathing and battling life for 20 years and are still going strong...so props to you, bae! I'm so glad you're born because if you weren't born, then I wouldn't have my hubby dearest to pick up my shits and to love me like I am. And guess I gotta thank Mama Soya for raising such a rare breed lol. Wishing you a wonderful, magnificent, and artsy-fartsy year full of love and joy and all that sparkles. Hope cupid will shoot you straight in the heart this year and hook you up with a hottie mc-naughty!

Okay, back to the main things.

The friend you were talking about has a name that begins with a "Y", right? Heehee I totally had this feeling before with XX and my ex-rmm. Both of them are drama queens and like I did care about their shit before, but afterwards, after all the mess they've created and dragged me into, I have gotten so tired of their shit that I don't bother and don't give a single fuck anymore. And let me give you a little tip, or well I'm pretty sure you got it covered, but after I got tired of my ex-rmm's shits, I just sort of lived with her but detached emotionally, and I just nodded and say "yea, yea" when she poured her shit-soul to me while watching netflix. So yea, you can still live with her and things will be fine as long as you stay detached. And seriously, don't let your mess-embracing friend stop you from being friends with that guy who lived next door. Fuck that, if she is still in contact with him, why couldn't you? You should not have to give up your friendship for her guy-tactics.

Wow, your friend writes good poems! I agree that artists love deeply and feel deeply, and in a way it sucks. It fucking sucks, but that's for later. Boxers have quite some fandom, eh? Do you think upon your rebound from John you will rebound back to him? And do not feel bad for reading your friend's deepest thoughts and emotions, I mean writers gotta show their work to someone, right? If your friend 100% do not wish for anyone to see the posts, then she wouldn't have posted it on the internet.

And you go, girl! Ridding of the friend request is a great step to moving on and finding your Mr. Right and trust me you will find another crush and another boyfriend next year! It's about time:D And I will be right here watching you and your budding romance coming with my garlic popcorn and my massive glass of margarita.

Phew okay, now it's my turn to rant.

So after a week in Hong Kong, my sister has gotten herself a boyfriend (they met through mutual friend during winter break when the mutual friend brought the beau to visit New York and they've been texting and skyping ever since). I am super happy for her that she is finally out of the single pool and can kiss single life goodbye. But gosh do they move fast. In a week of them being a thing, they've gone out every day (which I understand because soon they will be in the longd-club in a month's time) and she has already met his mom. She also already has a card made at his clubhouse. He told all his friends and family about her, and as I am typing, he is in my apartment and they are planning to go see the sun rise tonight. I told my sister that with this pace they are going, I will hear wedding bells in a month, and see babies poppin' in a year. (Even their song is "Marry You" by Bruno Mars...but that's another story)

But these are not the point, or not the entire point. It's just that seeing them so happy and always together makes me miss vkg so much more. My sister always leaves me to hang out with him while me and her were together, or she comes late to meet up with me after hanging with him, which i guess it's alright. But it's just that it means she is so happy with the guy that she has forgotten about time and I wished vkg were here to make me that happy so that I forget about time and everything else. Ugh, I miss that Indian-dude and I listened to my trigger-song last night during shower because I was really upset and I decided to drown in my grief (which was a bad idea) and then I kept holding back tears all night until I called him and woke him from his sleep and he freaked because I was crying right when he said 'hello'. I hate the distance and I miss him so much more now that I see my sister so happy. I am happy now too with vkg, don't be mistaken. It's just that the happier he makes me feel when we skype, the emptier I feel because the distance fucking sucks.

(me giving millions of fucks as I drown myself in grief and tears lol)

((me being dramatic just ignore me))

And also, my job starts tomorrow, which also fucking sucks. I have already met the crew yesterday at an event and they are not as fun as the ones from last year. They are kinda old, well not old old but late twenties-late thirties-old. And there's another intern, a dude same age as me who studies in Toronto, which makes things better, and we had to wait for the event to begin after setting up for like an hour so me and him sat in a starbucks and had awkward conversations until we talked about smoking weed and trying shrooms lol and things lightened a bit. Anyway, real work begins tomorrow and I will be sure to update you about it.

Sorry there aren't much good news here on my end either. (Well, good news for my sister, I guess?) Come back sooner please! Come claim your birthday dinner and present in hot'n sweaty town. Ugh I have no friends here to hang out with...people are either working or traveling or busy as fuck. The wifey needs some girl time with her broke artsy hubby in Chicago because wifey is lonely and no hubby would want to leave a lonely wifey alone because who know what would happen then? Jks.

Alrighty, tata lovely! Have an awesome awesome birthday!

Love,
Joshi

S: I never ran fast enough for my mistakes

Dear Joshi,

It's been awhile since either of us write to each other. Now that summer is here and I have a lot to rant, I guess it's time for that to happen again lol. *warning: I think this will be quite a negative blogpost*

So first. Idk. I feel played. Used? That should be the word I think, at least that's the word my friend used after I rant to him. So. Not sure if you remember but awhile ago (around March), there was this guy who lived next door to me that I became friends with after the dorm went poweroff for like an hour and we were peeking out to see what happen and ended up chatting in the hallway and sharing icecream and became friends with. We were quite close for awhile after that. We'd go for icecream after midnight and study tgt in the hallway (bcs he live in the last room down the corridor and I'm right next to him so we kind of take up the space in front of our doors, picnic style, to study and have fun and food and chat and all that). And along all these, my friend who I currently live with (you-know-who) were there too. Sooner and later, that guy fell for my friend, who has a boyfriend. My friend and her boyfriend got into numerous massive fights because the boyfriend was jealous that she spend so much time with the guy-next-to-my-door and he said he was such the gntmd likes her, and of course, my friend will deny it till the end of the Earth. Turns out, he was right and he likes her. Gntmd even tried to stop my friend from her NYC trip with the boyfriend over springbreak. It got very messy at the end and long story short, we cut off all ties with this guy at the end. 

Awhile ago I found out my friend is back in contacts with the guy, more than she'd like to reveal, but it's okay, after knowing her for months I kinda figured that's her pattern with guys. It's always something more, there are always cute selfies involved and it never is just friendships. Well we all know some girls like that don't we. I chatted with him awhile later too, both of us apologized to each other. Me for shutting him out, and him for hysterically knocking on my door for 3 hours and creeping me out (nonstop knocking after he heard I'm out of shower). Anyways, all is well. I don't think me and him can ever get back to that friendly state 'cause what happened at the end of our friendship was kind of intense. But at least we were like 'back on good terms', like at least won't turn away when we bump into each other in the hallway (yes it got that bad, it went that awkward). Okay back to the story, I just went down to pick up mail and parcels, and I saw his letter to my friend from Korea. I guess.....to conclude, I just feel used. Like it costed my friendship so she could have her fun. I thought it won't bother me, really. I'm used to picking up her pieces while she have the tendency to run away from problems/ not deal with them and hoping they will just fade away itself (e.g. using a ID number generator for our lease, and not paying rent and stuffs -_-). I guess all in all, I just came to the state where I realize, while I'm always trying to help, and try my best to help, to the extend where I care so much I take her problems as my own. She's just this girl who's used to having guys like gumballs in her hands. She enjoy the mess. She enjoy the attention (which, two guy friends who personally knows her pointed this out). I just feel stupid. Like I try to help but all you want is actually the mess, and even the sos to me, is just another step of your game to achieve the mess you desire.

Okay. Rant #2. Hmm, or not really a rant. It's just that I came across my friend's tumblr today. And it's full of poems. It's quite beautiful really. And I felt like I was reading her diary, which, is very adorable. But at the same time it was so private that although I know some of her close friends read it regularly, I feel like it was kinda too private for me to know.

Mainpoint of the story lol: I found this poem that basically confirmed her feelings to Boxers. I won't show the poem here but just lemme know when you read this and I'll send it over to you lol. It was...hmmm. Hahaha.

Rant #3: I cancelled the friend request to John today. I know, I know, this all seemed a joke from the start. And I would not know otherwise how to explain or describe the non-existing connection I feel that won't make me sound like a lunatic (sigh if only I were a better writer). But oh well. I will put this to an end. But just felt like I wanna tell you (or myself, or just the notion of typing it somewhere maybe) that he will always mean something to me.

Life.
Would love to bring you some happier news or something but I'm just a broke, fat chick in Chicago living with a couple with bigger mood swings than a woman with midlife crisis as an art school graduate student with mental disorder history.

-mini pause of 3 minutes- just re-read the poem I'm gonna send you. All I can say is hat artists love deeply. As cliché as it sounds, it's true.

Blessing and curse. To feel deeply and wholeheartedly.

Miss you & talk soon,
Soya

P.S.